yesterday...

i don't even know where to start...last week, last month, last year it is all gone. almost everything about it, is all gone. time heals everything they say and i suppose it is true. although the scars are fresh, i can see they are no longer active wounds. and i am grateful for the recognition.

i have done a lot of counting my blessings lately, and the one thing i keep coming back to is my ability to love, really love. i hold nothing back. i give all heart and soul. i never thought of it as a blessing. now i see it is the biggest blessing. i don't think i got it until just yesterday.

a great friend once told me "what blesses one blesses all" and that has been a mantra of mine.
i realize in order for something to be a gift it has to also be received. someone may have a beautiful voice but if they do not sing and it is not enjoyed it may be a gift, but the best part of it it lost.

i am so lucky that i have a gift and that i am not afraid to give it away. i am grateful that the people i choose to give it also choose to receive it. after all that is the whole point. i am open and trusting and loving. though it may hurt, indeed sometimes it hurts so bad that for a little while, as anyone would, i think never again. then time passes and i realize that is just not me. it is not in me , it goes against the very fiber of my being. i may not take risks in a conventional way. i don't drink, or smoke or do drugs. but i risk my heart every time. i know it will heal, i TRUST it will heal.

this last time, i risked my heart and it nearly killed me and truly a part of me did die. but i didn't, i still have everything i had before and truly more.

thank you to all of my friends who got me through. granted i still have a ways to go. i have been so fortunate to have friends that can open up to me and tell me their heart. good or bad. in all honesty i would not settle for anything less, and i would not do them the disservice. i KNOW everyone knows how much i love them. i have peace in that. i have peace in that.